You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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