Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
