I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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