People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
