NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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