When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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