I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We need to get me chipped asap
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
