hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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