Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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