Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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