We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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