I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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