My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
