So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
