I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
