Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You took a bar mat shot.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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