I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
