Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
