He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
