What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
