i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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