the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
