so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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