My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
