Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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