Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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