call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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