Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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