sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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