You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My balls are so social today.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
