It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
