Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
