Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
