We won't sleep together?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
