I CAN MOONWALK!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
