Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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