Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
