I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize