Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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