She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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