He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
