she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
