God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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