i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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