just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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