They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
