I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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