she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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