I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
