Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
