I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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