Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
