if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
