Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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