how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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