So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
only you would photoshop your dick
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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