im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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