how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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