She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
