Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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