States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
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He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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