Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
